Mother's Day

Four years ago today was Mother's Day.
A day I tasked myself with presenting you with the perfect card I spent forever searching for to help me achieve my goal of making you cry like I did every year. You would look forward to seeing what card I picked determined not to cry but year after year I would succeed and you would yell at me and tell me how mean I was.
Four years ago today I was with my friends when I got a phone call that would forever change my life. I knew the moment my phone rang, I knew something was wrong and I knew it was you leaving me.
Four years ago today our mothers day would forever be reversed because you never got my card and you never cried... I did.
Its been four years and I still haven't truly grieved for you but I feel the glass cracking under the weight of loosing you, of loosing a tradition we had. Things weren't always great for us but each year like clockwork we danced our dance but this year I'm sad. This year, this mother's day week I'm overwhelmed and I've grieve.
I'm sad and I'm angry and I'm depressed. My subconscious seems to know something was off because I was different before I knew why. My family has asked me this week what was wrong and I could just say I was having a bad day.
It wasn't until yesterday I knew why, I realised when it was and you're not here for our time. You're suppose to be, I was suppose to have many more years. I was suppose to run out of cards to make you cry, but you left me and I never got to give you your card.
I'm angry, I'm angry at you!
You weren't suppose to leave me.
You were suppose to cry then yell at me because you cried.
We were suppose to laugh and bond over a stupid card.
Now I just cry.
I love you Mom,
Happy Mother's Day